Decisions, Decisions

When I was younger, I loved to read “Choose Your Own Adventure” chapter books. In each book, I was the main character and made decisions that would determine my fate. Whether I was deciding how to outsmart pirates or avoid the hypnosis of a menacing doctor, my favorite thing was that I could keep trying, choosing a different path and making new decisions until I got an ending that satisfied me. 

Even as a girl, I was a bit of a perfectionist, hence the desire to find the perfect ending.

However, the thought of reading a book like that today is a bit less appealing, largely because I already have to make so many decisions each day. Whether it’s something simple like what to eat or wear, or something with higher stakes like whether I should visit my family during a global pandemic or how to tackle a tricky conversation with a coworker, decisions accumulate quickly until I am, quite frankly, exhausted. As my decision fatigue sets in, my decisions themselves become questionable, and at times, I even avoid making them altogether. 

Lately, I’d rather let the author make the decisions for me than decide whether or not I should move out of the giant’s way (and turn to page 48) or stand my ground (and turn to page 11).

I don’t think I’m alone here, am I?

Over the past few months, the volume of decisions I’ve been expected to make has been much higher than normal, not to mention, a pandemic makes every decision infinitely more complex than it would ordinarily be, which is why I’ve been reflecting on this topic. It’s true, there are many reasons for why we make the decisions we do, but I’ve simplified it into two broad categories:

We can make decisions out of fear and fatigue, or we can make decisions from a place of confidence and rest.

I wanted to explore what God may have to say about decisions, and I found some insight in the home of Martha (Luke 10:38-42). If you’re unfamiliar with the story, Martha opens her home to Jesus and makes herself busy perfecting and preparing in His presence. Then, she complains to Jesus about how Mary, her sister, isn’t helping her - instead, Mary is sitting with Jesus and listening to Him. Jesus says to Martha, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her” (Luke 10:41-42).

I must admit, I am a Martha by default. It is natural for me to be anxious about making everything perfect or doing the right thing, an anxiety that stems from a fear of not being good enough. And then, in my fatigue from the rapid deciding and doing, I am liable to make even worse decisions, like complaining to God about a choice I made without seeking His opinion. Ouch. When we make decisions out of fear, we end up trying to do things in our own strength even though we don’t have to, and we won’t be satisfied with the results. Sometimes, we even avoid making necessary decisions because we are too fatigued (for the record, that’s also unsatisfying).

Reading between the lines of scripture here, I imagine there were social norms that would have implied Mary’s responsibility was to help her sister, but instead, she went to the source of clarity and confidence and sat right at His feet. She wasn’t anxious about what people thought she “ought” to be doing; she knew Jesus had the good stuff, and she wanted it. I think the way she seeks Jesus in this moment is a mirror for the way we should seek Jesus in the midst of making decisions.

When we ask God what He thinks before we make a decision, there is a compulsory moment of rest, a pause in His presence, a selah. It is in that rest, in the presence of our Creator, that muddied things become clear and understood, and it is from there we draw strength and wisdom to make a much better decision than we would have made on our own. If we seek God through prayer in our decision making, asking His opinion and endeavoring to hear His voice above our own and all others, we can find the strength to not only make that decision, but to make it from a place of rested confidence.

Fear and fatigue are the default. 

It’s confidence and rest we have to fight for.

It’s Jesus we have to fight for.

Paul wrote it this way, “Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ” (Philippians 4:6-7, TPT). We need to choose what is better, just like Mary, and then let God provide the revelation in His own time as He promised.

As I’m writing, I’m beginning to wonder if making a decision with Jesus is a bit like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book, only we don’t have to decide alone. When we come to a big decision, we can pause in God’s presence, unwilling to turn the page until we decide. Even in the midst of that decision, we have a secondary choice - will we let fear rule, or will we wait for confidence? It is my hope we will sit with God, weighing the pros and cons, asking for the wisdom and guidance of Holy Spirit, and trusting the story continues no matter what path we choose. 

And then, in confidence, we turn the page.