Middle Parts + Middle Ground

I have to admit something to you. Last week, I thought seriously about the way I parted my hair for the first time since high school. Let me explain…

When I was a senior, I drove to Panama City Beach for Spring Break. Before we even made it to the hotel, my friends were poking their heads through the sunroof, “woo-wooing” and waving at cute strangers. I threw my head back in laughter - with a middle part, by the way (which will be important in a minute) - and turned up the Ying Yang Twins because I was a cool girl (hah). Just a few minutes later, a cop pulled us over and gave me a ticket. 

It was the first of many interesting events, but between being squirted by water guns filled with the urine of high school boys and getting proposed to by a man who claimed to be a Navy Seal, there’s one lackluster memory that inexplicably stuck with me. Without any malicious intent, one of my friends said, “Middle parts are ugly. I don’t know why anyone wears their hair like that,” tucking her brown hair behind one ear as she spoke. Heat crept from my cheeks to my chest - had she meant to call me ugly?

Another friend chimed in, “Hey. Mia wears her hair like that. Not cool.”

My face grew redder.

“Yeah, well, hers is a little to the side sometimes, so it’s different.”

Hello, cherry tomato.

And that was that. The conversation moved to another topic, but I held onto that hurt because I was young and still discovering myself and deeply cared what people thought of me. I craved approval, being seen as a one of the “cool girls”. Predictably, the next day, I emerged from the steam of the sticky hotel bathroom rocking a noticeably deeper side part. 

Oh, and don’t worry, we got revenge for the pee, but that’s a story for another day. 

Back to the point. 

Why, after all these years, did I consider turning back to an intentional middle part at age 33? I’m sure you’ve seen it, but if you haven’t - side parts, skinny jeans, and laughing-while-crying emojis basically make you an old woman. Without realizing it, this less-than-serious judgement of internet strangers brought me back to that humid hotel on the beach, and for a moment, my feet rested in the flipflops of a self-conscious teenager who still didn’t know who she was.

Now that I have the confidence to shrug this thing off, all I can think is, why do we do this to each other? 

The world feels like it is overflowing with judgement, and though the hair parting is a silly, inconsequential example, I think it paints a picture we can all understand. We judge what others eat, wear, think, believe and do - and all based on our unique opinions and moral compasses. We call people old or lame or stupid or wrong, we insult their taste in music or their lifestyle preferences because they are different from our own. Maybe I’m an idealist or too sensitive, or maybe the fact that I’m sharing my opinion on this topic is riddled with hypocrisy, but I do wish that grace and kindness would spread just as quickly and easily as judgement and insulting humor.

A few days ago, I was speaking to a friend about this, and she mentioned that sometimes people are simply trying to be funny or get likes on social media, but they don’t really mean what they say. I think that is often true - a reality of the world we live in. The Gen Zs don’t really care what the Millennials are wearing, and they probably don’t think Millennials are hideous, either. They just are after humor and virality. It’s also really interesting to see the difference in the Millennials’ responses - some laugh it off, embracing their well-earned side parts, and others are posting response videos slamming Gen Z for wearing scrunchies around their wrists with their flared leggings (formerly known as yoga pants). The irony is rich, folks, and so is the ridiculousness.

So here’s the other thing I’m thinking - why do we let it get to us?

Not only do we, as humans, have a tendency to speak out in authority over the lives and choices of others, we also have a tendency to give the opinions of others too much power in our own lives, letting them rule our emotions. Sometimes, these opinions can make us angry and defensive (e.g. the indignant Millennials who are posting angry remarks about flared leggings and wrist scrunchies). Other times, they cause us to change our own preferences, thoughts, or behaviors to fit in - I imagine there are some Millennials quietly taking this in and ditching the skinny jeans in the name of fashion. And lastly, some of us just shrug our shoulders and carry on, unbothered by what people think. Take me for example, I am currently typing these words wearing a part like a drunken zig-zag, and I have no intention of straightening it out. 

Somewhere in my mid-20’s, I stopped caring so much about what people thought, and I embraced my whole self, letting my curls fall where they wanted - sometimes in the middle, sometimes to the side, and often a little of both. As I grew, I realized how unhealthy it was to let my self-esteem rest in the opinions of others, especially those who share their opinions loudly and often and without care for how their voice impacts the listeners. Somewhere in my mid-20’s, I met Jesus face-to-face for the first time, and I learned more about my identity as one of God’s children. Seeing myself through the eyes of a loving Father changed how I thought, spoke, and moved throughout the world. Jesus is what helped the most, realizing that the judgements of this world did not determine my value as a human.

Though lately I favor an unbothered shoulder shrug, I also think indignation and behavior change have a place in our responses, and you will find no commentary from me today on which response is right, wrong, or best. Jeans and hair and emojis are all low stakes, but as I reflect, I’m left thinking about how this could all play out when more serious topics are concerned, or when more vulnerable people are concerned.

There’s no clear answer here, but there is a call to be cautious with our words.

Yes, by all means, let’s keep the humor, but let's make sure the intent is not malicious.

Let’s strive to be offended by the “right” things but not everything (read: let’s be offended by social injustice but not by a stranger on the internet insulting our hairstyles).

And most of all, let’s endeavor to be the best versions of ourselves while encouraging others to do the same.

(Even if they have a middle part, and even if they don't 😂).