The Art of Feeding and Starving

If you feed it, it will grow. 

I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lately along with its converse - what you starve will die. You’ve likely heard it before - it’s been in countless books, podcasts, and sermons, but nonetheless, it hit me differently recently, and I’ll tell you why. 

I have a succulent I’ve been trying to revive since I moved to New York (it took a tumble in the car on the way here and was never the same). This particular succulent was given to me by a sweet friend during a really hard life season, so it was special to me. Despite my efforts, it never stopped looking, well, pathetic. That’s why, last month, I decided to let it go. I left Steve (yes, I named him, mind ya business, lol) to wither in the corner of my bedroom. Slowly, leaves dropped, one by one, starting with the largest at the bottom, until there were just a few tiny leaves left at the tippy-top. Those eventually dried up, too.

What I didn’t tell you is this: once I had made up my mind, I plucked one of Steve’s healthier leaves to propagate, and I started putting a lot of effort into that one leaf instead. Tending to it until it shot out roots, and then, a healthy little rosette. Still unnamed, it will be ready to plant in Steve’s place in a few days.

I chose a small part to feed and starved the rest.

We are faced with this decision in our lives, too. What should we feed? What should we starve? Often, we keep feeding things that don’t suit us, things that aren’t producing in our lives. We often find ourselves white-knuckling something that isn’t good for us, doing everything we can to maintain the (lackluster or worse) status quo. 

Maybe you are hanging onto a job you don’t enjoy because it is the job you know. 

Or maybe you cling to a lie because it is more warm, fuzzy, or convenient than the truth. 

Or maybe you maintain a toxic relationship because it’s with a family member you love.

Or maybe you have an unhealthy coping mechanism that has become an addiction.

Whatever it is, it’s likely you have done it, will do it, or are doing it right now. I have, and I do, and I probably will again despite my best efforts because, at times, it takes a lot of failed feedings to realize something isn’t worth the investment. All the while, we are wasting our time, emotional energy, and resources trying to keep something alive instead of moving on with what we’ve learned in tow and nothing else. Operating with selective blindness, we are unable to see our opportunity to take the healthiest, most meaningful parts of what was to a place with new light to give them a shot at survival. And I won’t even get into the times we let something starve and go back to try to feed it a year later…but you know what I’m talking about.

Starving doesn’t always mean quitting your job or cutting out a family member completely, but instead, it could look like taking a leave of absence from work or setting firm boundaries to help your family understand how you want to be treated and loved. That said, there may be times when you need to quit someone or something cold turkey, and know that is okay, too. 

All of us need to take stock of the things at our table. We need to decide what is most important and what is holding us back, so we can feed what matters and starve what doesn’t. For me, that looks like pouring my time into my relationship with Jesus, developing a healthier lifestyle, being present where I am, and spending more time writing about this life I’m living. It looks like letting go of binge-watching tv shows, releasing my need to control things, and no longer comparing my life or status to the people around me. It also looks like putting some boundaries in places where I need to leave room for healing.

Only you can decide what to feed or starve. Please know the things you feed will grow without a doubt, and the things you starve will often wither more slowly than you’d like. My hope is you will begin to spend your time feeding good things, the best things, and starving the things that don’t serve you (or the world) well. 

What will you feed?

What will you starve?

I’m cheering you on!